2010, Here I Come!

Oh, what a night{s}.  Just in case you’re mildly concerned, this is not an R rated post.

We’ve had a rollercoaster few days.

The 31st was spent in our usual New Years Eve fashion…with fabulous friends of ours from the more Easterly side of the State {and Ohio}.  For the 4th year in a row, we spent the night {which I just have to say…is fabulous…there are only two friend’s homes our entire family has successfully spent the night at…and it’s incredibly comforting to know we can still participate in sleep-overs even at our ripe “old” age} playing wii, talking, laughing and eating into the wee hours of the morning {while the little ones slept peacefully}.

12:01am, 2010 {okay, actually 12:00:36} was enjoyed alongside my hubby with a kiss, a cup of steaming hot coffee and a pretzel wrapped in caramel, enveloped in chocolate, and sprinkled perfectly with the most decadent mint chocolate pieces ever created.  Complete and utter bliss {drool}.

We double-dipped in the fellowship pool the next day with our precious friends {who just so happen to be some of our favorite people on the planet}, chatting about everything from potty-training and pregnancy to coupons and complacency.  It was glorious.

The following few days, however, blur together a little, with certain vomitous events standing out.  Yuck.

It seems someone brought a bug to the New Year’s Eve party and so far 7 people have been hit hard.  Ali was up all night vomiting; we went through 3 pairs of pajamas, 2 pillow cases and 2 beds {hers, and then she ended up in ours so we could keep a close eye on her}. 

She is much better today {Sunday}, but now Joe is down for the count.  He was terribly sick last night, spending most of the time sitting on the loo with a bowl in his lap.  This is only the second time in our 7 years together that he’s been so sick that he throws-up…and it violently beats his body to a pulp.  You would think he’s dying.  And he’s quite certain he is. 

While I bowed down to the porcelain God a few times today myself, I’m feeling stellar in comparison to him.  Besides, what mother gets a sick day anyway?  The show must go on!

I’m praying Aiden doesn’t get hit with this virus {or whatever it is} as it would wreck his little body, and complicate the intake of his heart medication.  Oh well, worrying accomplishes nothing, and God’s in control any who.  Moving right along.

While we’ve all been feeling a little out of it lately, and it’s so stinking cold outside we’re somewhat cooped up…we’re very excited for what this new year holds!

My baby sister flies out to Ghana for a 4 month study abroad next Sunday {January 10th}, and Joe returns to his dream job the next day {Monday}. 

We will start looking for a home {in Hemlock, just between Alma – where my parents will be – and Saginaw} at the end of January.  We are still not really sure what to do as far as a new home is concerned.  Still owning a home in Lansing {that didn’t sell after a year and a half on the market}, and working for an unpredictable State, leaves us in somewhat of an uncomfortable position.  We don’t want to move again, so it seems a temporary apartment is out, but we’re not sure whether it’s wise to buy again.  We don’t want to be stuck owning two homes if Joe is laid off again, or relocated {which is possible, but highly unlikely}. 

So…again, we wait and pray, and trust and wait some more.

The fact remains…we’re going somewhere {home-like}, at some point in time in the relatively near future…and that’s enough to have me excited!! 

I’m semi-concerned that a few of my belongings in the storage unit have frozen and exploded…seeing we never intended our stuff to be in there during these frigid months.  But then again, we didn’t anticipate needing any of our baby stuff either.  So much for that timeline, eh? 

Just more opportunity to practice not sweating the small stuff {does exploded lotion and essential oil really matter in the long run?} and yet another opportunity to work on trusting God to take care of even the small, {seemingly} insignificant details of our lives.

I have LOADS of things I’m excited to work on during this new year…everything from the usual spiritual growth and physical fitness {consistency, consistency, consistency} to learning to sew, becoming a more adventurous cook, and learning how to save delicious amounts of money by watching sales and clipping coupons.

I {we} need to work on sticking to a budget and cutting down on impulse purchases.  I want to be a wise steward of our money.

I want to ice skate, I want to sled, I want to jump at the opportunity to get soaked and dance in the rain with my daughter more often {spontaneity}. 

I want to be more outwardly focused {less self-centered}, I need to learn how to serve others more, and to be more generous with what God gives me, be it much or be it little {time, money, material things, compassion, etc}. 

I want to grow as a mother, and as a wife {I need to work on being a more intentional initiator of intimacy…bow chicka bow bow}. 

I want to have people over for dinner more often {seeing I love hosting people in my home}…whether it’s clean or not, and whether we’re having steak or mac n’ cheese {worrying less about impressing people}. 

I want to be more honest, while remaining gracious and tactful. 

I want to be more adventurous, and less afraid of failure.

I want to manage my time more wisely. 

I want to {with my husband’s urging} explore some sort of weekly childcare, or babysitter {just a few hours, a few times a week} so I can actually accomplish more around the house, grocery shop in peace, have alone time, and put more time into my design business.

I want to invest in my friendships more, taking the initiative to send cards on birthdays and making the time to celebrate them as individuals.

I want to be a gracious, patient, loving daughter, and an understanding, available, compassionate sister.

I want to learn how to plant a fabulous vegetable garden with my hubby and daughter and enjoy it’s harvest.

I want to stay up on my {darn} laundry – you’d think after this many years of doing it, I’d have a better system in place.  You’d think.

I want to make time to read more.  I like buying books.  Now I need to work on reading them.

I want to love people more extravagantly, be still and listen to the Father’s heart more consistently, and become a better listener overall {this, unfortunately, involves talking less}.

I want to get healthy, lose the excess baby weight and feel good in my skin {I’d say “again”, but sadly, I’ve never been happy in my body.  Something to work on}.

I want to take the time to sit down and write someone a note…just to let them know I’m thinking about them.  Just because.  I have plenty of notecards, I just have to use them.

I want to step out of my comfort zone more…whether it’s praying for the sick, confronting an issue with a friend, or volunteering to take on something I’m not good at.

I want to procrastinate less, and live in the moment more. 

There is so much I need…no, want…to work on that your eyeballs would begin to spasm if I were to attempt to write it all, and if you were to attempt to read it all.

In short…

I want to LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST in 2010. 

Not because I feel I have to, or should…but simply because I can!  All because of the stunning sacrifice that was made on a Roman cross over 2000 years ago.  I don’t want to take life, or His ultimate gift, for granted.

Life is too short to waste on our silly offenses, petty problems, self-centered concerns and expanding rear-ends.

Nothing is stopping me from living life to the fullest but my own laziness, emotional baggage, complacency and fear. 

I’m ready to change that.

Care to join me?

Day {Accidental} 40: I Think I Would Like A Tail

Today has been a fun one; full of laughter, clearance shopping, and a 3D extravaganza.  Okay, coveting just a wee bit too {just mildly. Okay, not really}.

Along with spending time with a good friend this morning {yay for a well-behaved, sharing 2 1/2 year old ~ I just fall in love with her a little more when she’s such a gem with her friends}, we hit Aldi’s {love!} and scored a fantabulous storage system for Ali’s room {in her new room, of course…in the new house…wherever, whenever that might be}, and then swung by Target to scope out their after-Christmas sales.  We walked away with a few fun, cheap deals.  Like a killer 6-pack of mini stamps for a buck, an adorable Christmas tea-set and a gorgeous trio of shiny, silver flowers that I can’t wait to stick in the wall {again, for the new house, of course…blah blah blah} for $3.50.

Oooh, I love a good deal!

I also snagged a funky little purple squirt bottle that, upon arriving home, received a dollop of conditioner and then got loaded with water.  We now own a handy-dandy curly hair tamer than I fully intend to use every time that fuzzy, sleepy head lifts from it’s pillow.  You should see my daughter’s hair when she wakes up…it’s wild. 

But the taming, she comes.

Because we were out and about at lunch time, we splurged {not monetarily…but caloriearily.  Ha.  That’s so not a word} and hit the Burger King drive-thru.  We shared burgers and fries.  Shhh, don’t tell anyone.  It’s so good…and yet, so bad.  We eat fast food seldom enough that it actually tastes good when we do indulge.  But sure enough the sneaky after-shock knowledge of fat and calorie consumption just steals all the enjoyment.  Blech.

Speaking of stealing the joy, Ali is currently very needy.  Not in the clingy sense of the word, but simply in regard to frequency of use.  Every few minutes she’s saying she “needs” something.  Everything, actually.  From a peanut butter sandwich to a Christmas martini shaker, she’s apparently in need. 

“Mommy, what is this?”.  “It’s a green storage tote, darling”.  “I n-e-e-d a tote, mommy”.  “No, love, you don’t n-e-e-d a tote.  You’ll survive without it, I promise”.  “But I n e-e-d a tote”…and on it goes {add whiney sound for more accurate interpretation}“

I’m beginning to think mommy n-e-e-d-s a timeout.  A very long one.  Do I get a glass of wine during time-out.  Just askin’.

Before Ali gets cranky {when tired} she get a little loopy.  And talkative.  She told me on the way home that {paraphrased} “she was going to fly soon in an airplane to Nineveh, go to a store to buy me ice-cream, asked if I wanted to join her, and then promptly told me I couldn’t go.  I was too big.

After the long, albeit funny, trek home {sometimes 15 minutes in the car seems like a Transamerican journey}, with Ali needing a tic-tac like her little life depended on it, it was 2:45pm. 

I just love coming home right in time for naptime.  It’s wickedly delicious.  A fun, full morning…and then peace. 

Aaaah, nap time, how I love thee.

Skip forward a few hours.

We had a friend over for dinner {actually a guy friend of my baby sister’s – super, nice guy!} and supped on grilled lamb with mint jelly, steamed veggies and roasted, rosemary potatoes.  Oh, food.  Glorious food.

I often marvel at how much God must love us to have given us such a broad selection of foods…sweet, sour, savory, salty, spicy. 

And to think He could have just created us to hook up to a nutrition pipe {a master NG tube, if you will} and be nourished that way.  Boring and purely practical. 

But instead He gave us tongues and taste-buds, the ability to enjoy different textures and temperatures, and the capability to assemble stunning food creations and combinations.  How magical is that?!?  The whole concept of being able to enjoy food, not to mention the joy of socializing over a meal together, is brilliant. 

Food, as we experience it, is totally a gift from above.

I digress.  As usual.

My younger sisters, Ruthie’s friend {Twistin, as my daughter calls him} and I then slipped away to experience the movie, Avatar, in 3D.  After my dad and hubby saw it a few days ago, we’ve been counting down the days until it was “our turn” tonight.

Goodness gracious me.  What an absolutely marvelous movie.  I don’t even know where to start on this one… so I’ll close with these incredibly deep thoughts:

I suddenly have a strong desire to sprout cute, pointy ears…to sport magical, luminescent freckles…and holy moly, they make tails look hot.

I’m thinking I’d really like a tail. 

Is that weird? 

{Don’t answer that}

Day 39: A Michael Inspired Moment

We’re on our way to Grand Rapids, the sun is shining, the kids are happy, organic fruit sticks abound…it’s a beautiful thing. 

We’re excited for a few hours away as a family.

I look to the right and there’s this wild, hairy dude driving a complete junker of a truck with all sorts ridiculousness taped {yes, literally taped} to the moving vehicle.  I’m talking laundry baskets, a mattress, chairs, lamps, shelves, and a myriad of other less-than-quality items.  I cannot believe my eyes and scoff out loud.  This guy is the epitome of a hillbilly.  And my mind wanders further.  In less jovial, light-hearted places.  I quietly judge and sneer, in a nasty, self-righteous way.

As I start typing today’s journal {so like…now}, Joe is flipping through the stations and lands on one that strikes a chord in me. 

First I just laugh because it’s one of “those” songs – one that brings back fun memories of younger years and is scarily easy to belt the lyrics out to in a loud, head-bopping karaoke kinda way – and then I stop.  Hmm, interesting words.  I was just thinking about that.

I think this might be the first time God has ever spoken to my heart through Michael Jackson.  And I think I’m glad about that.  But I shouldn’t be.  If he could speak to Balaam the prophet through an ass {sorry, a donkey}, then hey…MJ’s not out of the question.

Don’t you just love our unusual, unorthodox, can’t-possibly-put-Him-in-a-box God?

So…the radio.

How profound are the words of Jackson in this one…”I’m starting with the {wo}man in the mirror…I’m asking him {her} to change his {her} ways…if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change”.

What strikes me about this song, in this moment, is the fact that I had just been thinking about something that I need to work on as it started to play.

I have a mean-streak.  It doesn’t tend to rear it’s head with my friends and family as much as it does with complete strangers, without them having a clue.

I think mean things.  I judge.  I assume.  I joke.

And it struck me today how that must break the Father’s heart.  In the same way hearing someone say something negative about one of my kids, no matter how dreadful their behavior may be at the time, it hurts my heart. 

Every person alive is His creation, made in His image, the apple of His eye.  No, many {most, actually} do not behave in a way that reflects their Father, the fact remains…they are His.

And far too often I do not treat them as such.  While my actions are not necessarily unsavory, my thoughts often are.  And those can be just as destructive and damaging as the expression of those thoughts {maybe not to them directly…but to me, and to my heart}. 

I’m surrounded by people I wish would change.  I’m often put-off by the repulsive behavior of others.  I’m quick to point out their short-comings and can be so heartless when I see the painful consequences of foolish decisions being manifested in someone’s life.

But in the wise words of the late white-gloved, crotch-grabbing Jackson, change starts with me.

Just one of many things I sense will be under the knife this next year.  Surgery sucks.  But it is so incredibly vital.  While the removal of an apses can be painful, leaving it to fester causes much deeper damage and pain in the long-run. 

I want this ugly infection removed.

And it starts with taking a long, hard look in the mirror.

“Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor”.  Matthew 7:1-5 {The Message}

Day 38: Perks

I have found that God makes a wonderful personal shopping assistant.  Not to mention, parking assistant.

Maybe it’s just because I get giddy about fun, silly little things and like to give God the credit for them.  Shouldn’t He get it anyway?  If scripture says every good and perfect gift is from above, shouldn’t that include fabulous parking spots and scandalously good deals?

I guess it simply confirms the delicious truth that He loves me. 

And that I’m His favorite. 

You are too.  Just don’t tell anyone I told you.

I digress.

Perks.  For instance, today, I ventured out to the mall in the hopes that I could snag a fur-lined hooded vest from Old Navy’s 60% off racks that I’d spotted on a friend yesterday {I love, love, love vests…and all of mine are in the storage unit}…on a blustery, snowy, slushy day…with 2 children by my side.  Make that 3.  Becks accompanied me with our niece, Zuri.

Chances of finding one at the very end of the post-Christmas weekend were slim, and I was half expecting to have a stressful, unpleasant {kid} experience, but it was glorious!

Apart from having a woman ask me if I was missing a little girl {she had stopped Alathea as she snuck out the door} – gulp! – it went seamlessly.  I even walked away with the exact item I’d hoped for, a gorgeous furry vest in the perfect color, in my size.

Aaaah, I’m feeling the love!

On another note, there are only 3 days until January 1st, 2010.  I have informed the friends we’re bringing in the New Year with that at 12:01 on Friday morning I will be indulging in a decadent cup of coffee and whatever chocolate I can lay my eager mitts on.  And then I may just repeat the process.  Again and again.

But, maybe not.

I’m just a wee bit terrified to reintroduce two things I seem to completely lack any sort of control over.  A true choco-coffee-holic I seem to have become over the past few months.

And that’s one of the reasons I love a New Year!  Fresh beginnings provide such a stunning source of hope and encouragement. 

I like them even more than I like Mondays!  Yes, I’m odd.

In the same way the stunning flakes that have fallen from the sky all day have left the horizon clean, white and sparkling…a New Year wipes the slate clean and provides a magnificent new canvas for us to apply the bright colors of hope and glittery sprinkles of joy upon. A fresh start always provides a host of new colors to work with; a brand new palette of possibilities, if you will.

I’m all about new.  Hope and joy are simply the perks of being His.

Day 37: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

We all know it, we all say it: “it is better/more blessed to give than to receive”. 

But how often do we practice it?  

My 2 year old got to practice this fine art of giving this morning alongside her wonderful daddy.

During our 4th community outreach/service project in Alma, we bundled up and gathered once again at the trailer park we have “taken on” as our ministry focus.

Heading out, we were armed with envelopes that contained $10 grocery certificates and little cards that simply state:

U R &{picture of a knot} 4 GOT 10

J <3 U

Get it?  “You Are Not Forgotten”. 

That is our heart.  Simply that they would know that they haven’t been forgotten, by God, and by a bunch of misfits who are taking on their trailer park.

While the plan had been to break up into our usual 3 groups and canvas the park, by the time we arrived in Alma, Aiden was hungry. 

A hungry boy + 22* weather = very unhappy boy.

So while I stayed in the car and nursed him, Joe took Ali and their bundle of envelopes and headed out. 

Oh how it blesses a mother’s heart to see her child holding out an envelope to a stranger on their doorstep while sweetly saying “Merry Christmas, Happy New Year”.  Joe would introduce himself and Ali, and explain that they were simply wanting to bless people with some post-Christmas gifts.  No strings attached.  No church advertisement.  No preachy tracts.  Just a reminder of Christ’s love.

What an important lesson to learn at such a tender age. 

We’re learning just how much our children mirror us, our attitudes about life and people and situations.  They grow to love what we love, treasure what we treasure, and shun what we shun. 

What are we teaching her, without even meaning to?  What intricate life lessons is she learning by simply watching us function on a daily basis?  What are we showing her to hold dear by making a priority in our own lives?  What are we setting as a standard in the way she sees others…in how she views herself…in how she thinks about God?

And sometimes what we see, and hear, in them is scary. 

Alathea will repeat, days after the fact, phrases that we have said with the exact intonation we used.  It’s a little odd when she sternly tells me not to touch her drink {in her spill-proof sippy-cup} because I’ll spill it.  Or when I see her scolding her baby dolls non-stop, putting them in time-outs and then spanking the snot out of them {no really, we don’t do that.  Spank, we do…when it fits the crime, but beat the ^%@& out of her, we don’t}.  Does she really see our discipline of her that way?  Or when she repeats to her cousin what we’ve said to her, in a very unkind fashion.  “Don’t touch that…don’t do that!!”.  Did we really say it like that?  And gosh, does it really matter?  Sometimes we just don’t pick our battles very well…and then we see them showing up in her later.

Scary, yes, but also incredibly exciting.  What an opportunity we have to impact this little life, which will in turn impact the many lives around her {no doubt, in profound ways}.

I’m trying to use this reality as a powerful reminder to “hold my thoughts captive”.  Because my thoughts profoundly impact my actions and words, and seeing the way those impact my daughter’s behavior, I need to be ever so careful with what I allow to occupy my mind.  I want to be the kind of woman that I desire my daughter to be one day – and apart from the grace of God, it’s up to me {us} to build that foundation in her.

Today was a sweet reminder of this truth.  When I reach out to others, no matter their walk of life, no matter their financial or social status, I show my children that loving on people is far more important than fearfully {and selfishly} fending for ourselves.  We pay it forward.  In doing this, we also set her up to see the way God blesses and provides for us in the process.  It’s a beautiful cycle, and how blessed she will be to see it from a young age. 

This is one of the greatest gifts my parents gave me and I can’t wait to pass it on.

Looking back I can clearly see the impact their example has had on my adult, married life.  Whenever Joe and I have been in a tight spot, especially financially, it has {usually} been pretty easy for me to declare, “don’t worry…God will provide!!  He always does!”, simply because I saw Him do it, over and over again, when I was a child and young adult! 

I want that faith and joy and peace for my children too.  And it starts with the realization that it is our job to be generous with the little God has given us; that it is indeed better to give than to receive.  When we make it our passion to love on others and bless them…God faithfully provides for us and blesses us even more abundantly than we could have ever imagined.

We have tasted of that so richly this past month.  Crazy generosity being poured out over here!

When we got home from our ‘outreach’ in Alma this afternoon, while I was unbuckling her from her carseat, Ali tenderly touched my face and said “you’re precious, mommy”.  I just melted. 

Oh, how I adore that girl! 

I am so incredibly thankful that God is helping us navigate this rocky road of parenthood, and that as long as our eyes are fixed on Him, their little eyes constantly being on us isn’t such a scary thing after all.

Day 34, 35 and 36: Blurry

What a crazy few days it’s been.  Good.  And, sadly enough, not so good.  Bad, in fact.

Christmas eve day was fun, tying up loose ends, attending the Christmas eve service, reconnecting with a precious friend, enjoying dessert {cheese ball} and coffee {tea} at my big sister’s house, joined by my mom-in-law and her husband (oh, how I admire my mum’s passion to include people and love on them}.  And as tradition would have it, we each opened one gift.

Christmas day was quite possibly the most unusual Christmas I’ve ever experienced. 

While it started off well, kids slept in, tea, muffins, cleaned dining-room and kitchen for lunch prep, lounged in living room and read the story in Luke of Jesus' birth {Ali even asked nana to please read more}, and proceeded to enjoy the gift-opening process.

We got a Wii for Christmas!!  From us.  {We were given a gift-card and scored a killer deal at Walmart, so we snagged one, wrapped it up and stuck it under the tree – at literally no cost to us, whoot whoot}.

Despite my best intentions, we did not make a birthday cake for Jesus.  There’s always next year, I suppose.

We were indoctrinated into the Wii community by a few games of Boom Blox Bash Party.

Cheesecake & Coffee {honey-based-carrot-cake & tea}.

Occasional naps on the couches once the kids were down.

We celebrated the arrival of new life {after a long awaited pregnancy of good friends of ours}, and we celebrated the news of more stunning, much anticipated life being created within the belly of yet another couple {well, just ‘hers’} we adore.  God is good!

And yet, throughout the day there were twinges of irritation, in people’s voices, in the looks they gave, in the argument that erupted after dark.  Something was just off this Christmas, and it broke my heart. 

While there are clearly distinct issues that need to be dealt with here – I don’t know one family who doesn’t have issues – it was simply a fierce reminder of how incredible my family truly is.  As this was a FOREIGN occurrence.  And how phenomenally thankful for this I am!  I hate conflict, and yet, in order to get the gigantic purple elephant out of the living room, I’m willing to dig in where needed.

Still.  It breaks my heart.  Because It was Christmas, for Pete’s sake {who is Pete, any way?}.  And I hate conflict.

But, something good that has come out of this mess is the new-found compassion and protection I sense towards my mama.  When I heard her crying last night, I could no longer hold my tongue.

It’s as though someone else taking issue with her has triggered something deep within me and I just want to protect her and hug her and love her and speak ever so kindly to her.

Interesting, eh?

This Christmas was bittersweet.  And the fact that it was anything but 100% sweet has me reeling.  Argh.

God continues to challenge me and encourage me and stretch me out of my comfort zone.  And while I’m in the midst of working through some big family stuff right now, I’m choosing to believe that God has redemption and growth in store for even this frustrating situation.  He always does.

My heart is heavy at not having this issue resolved, but I need to wait on His timing, listen to His heart on the subject and speak when and how He directs.  And patience isn’t my strong point. 

Oh, how far we all have to go.  More growing.  Much more growing.

Good thing we’re family.  And good thing my fabulous family rocks my world.  And good thing God is so much bigger than my wonderful world. 

No doubt, we’re in good hands.

Day 33: Ooooh, Sparkly!

I have had far too much fun than is appropriate, for a woman of my age, with a glue gun, glitter spray and sequins.

Mom and I have been creating the most magical fairy tutus, wands and head “gear” for Alathea and my niece, Zuri, for Christmas.  And they are practically edible! 

I cannot wait to see the girls flitting around the living room in their little outfits on Christmas day {photos to come}. 

I have, in the process, rediscovered my passion for the uber-useful glue gun and am racking my brain for ideas and objects I can glue together.  And then spritz with glitter.  It’s rather pathetic, really. 

No, I’m not 8.

Maybe if I schnazzed up the Christmas tree with some glitter spray we could do away with the heinous spider-web-like lametta?  Hmmm.

Speaking of ‘the’ tree…I cannot wrap my brain round the fact that tomorrow is Christmas Eve.  Where did 2009 go?

And how did so many gifts get under that tree?

I’m floored by the fact that just a month ago I was thinking how “slim'” this Christmas would be in the gift department, taking the opportunity to focus rather on the true reason for the season.  And while that focus hasn’t shifted…I’m stunned by the generosity we’ve seen pour in from completely different sources.  Even today we received a Christmas card from a woman Joe worked with, that I have met only once {briefly}, with Meijer gift cards inside.  Just when my head stops spinning from one random act of kindness, we get hit with another. 

We are loving being in a position of “need” as it so perfectly places us in a posture to receive God’s extravagant provision.

Speaking of need, I’m in need of some wisdom! 

As mention a few days ago, I’m not feeling quite like myself lately.  For the past week or two, I’ve been ridiculously fragile, defensive and emotional.  Yesterday Ali spend 2 hours quietly {and at times, not-so-quietly} playing in her bed instead of napping.  Aiden decided he didn’t need a nap yesterday afternoon either.  An hour before I was schedule to meet some girlfriends I hadn’t seen for a while, I was in desperate need of a shower {having not been afforded the opportunity before then} and my sister decided to hop in.  Get this: I broke down and cried when my hubby finally got home and then had to leave again.  Because I needed a shower.  It appears I need a little more than a shower.  Therapy, maybe?

I have no clue what is wrong with me.  I’m super emotional, even jealous at times at the silliest little exchanges between loved ones {that don’t include me}, and am painfully aware of my newly acquired super-sensitivity.  The last time I dealt with this nonsense was when I was diagnosed with PMDD {Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder} and was on a birth control that was making the emotional toll worse.

The thought of having to go through this – and put my loved ones through this…the walking on eggshells and picking up the pieces – all over again, makes me shudder.  It’s actually quite terrifying.  I have really enjoyed have a consistent level of sanity and emotional steadiness over the past few years and have no interest in returning to that rollercoaster ride.

So.  Need some wisdom as to what to do.  I do not like feeling like this, nor do I like picking fights with my husband and sisters over petty things – it’s pathetic.  Crying about showers rates pretty low on my list of fun, daily activities, too.  And this just isn’t me.  I actually really enjoy life, and am pretty good at not sweating the small stuff.  But right now, the small stuff is making me cry.  Ugh.

But.  2010 is just around the corner.  I’ve conquered this beast before.  My husband endured it beside me, and he will again, if need me.  We’ve been through the wringer this past year, and come our stronger and more confident than ever in the faithful God we serve.

He has most definitely glued us more tightly together through these tough times…and I’m really enjoying the glitter He’s been spritzing our lives with these past few weeks!  I’m especially excited for the big, shiny piece of bling in the shape of a shield that will be {re}delivered in 2.5 weeks.

And if all the sweet, small, light-reflecting particles He’s sprinkling on our lives right now are a testament of the love, faithfulness and goodness of a Father to His kids…then bring on the bling! 

Ooooh, sparkly!

{Update: still no sweets or chocolate ingested – yay – on purpose, that is.  Drank almost an entire cup of tea with sugar today, by accident – sorry, Rebecca, I thought it was mine and was so busy talking I didn’t realize it tasted sweet.  No lie.  Excited, but not delirious, to have sweets again in a week.  Definitely delirious to drink coffee again.  Oooh Aaaaah.  Already pondering what I need to give up next.  This journey is so far from over}