Day 1: Taking Care of Business

Today’s “lesson” had the opportunity to start last night.  For almost 20 months now I have not laid eyes on my mother-in-law.  Not by our choice, but because of choices she has made.  At times we didn’t even know what State she was living in.  She left before Ali turned one and has consequently missed some very important events in our lives, namely her son graduating from Michigan State Police Academy and the birth of her grandson.

I’ve wondered at times whether this is the way I prefer it.  Life has had less drama, and yet at the same time, it’s clearly been missing an important component.  No matter the unwise decisions she’s made, the foolish things she’s chosen over her family, even the illegal activities she’s managed to pull off…she remains the mother of my husband and a grandmother to my children.  My husband is a testimony, mainly of the sweet grace of God, but also, of the amazing woman she is.  She, on the other hand, is a fine example of the destructive and devastating effects of un-dealt-with shame and regret.  The effects of misplaced self-worth are startling.

My heart has grown harder toward her over this time while she has been gone.  Where has she been?  Does she not care to meet her grandkids?  Do we matter this little to her?

Quite the opposite. 

I have come to learn that she cares so deeply for us, loves us so entirely, that in the midst of the mud she was drowning in, she didn’t feel worthy to be a part of our lives.  Yes, we did play a part in choosing to distance ourselves when certain ground rules and ultimatums where not met.  Is it not foolish to continue to help someone when they are not willing to help themselves, not to mention exposing your children to dangerous lifestyles?

All this to say…my otha-motha arrived in Michigan this week after her extended absence.  While a cold-shoulder is what I anticipated delivering, along with a mouth-full of festering words, God had other plans.  He broke my heart toward her and enabled us to enjoy a most glorious evening together.

My hubby, also processing his anger and disappointment in her – astounded by the compassion he now feels – prepared a meal she was sure to love, complete with potatoes prepared just how she likes ‘em!  We then whisked her off to Silver Bells in the City – the location we broke the news of our first pregnancy {with Alathea Grace} to my parents just 3 years ago.  It was as though God was taking us back to the beginning – of our children’s lives – and allowing us a fresh start with her.  After fireworks, Christmas trees, cookies & reindeer, we headed to  Tim Hortons to wrap up our night.  Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed my final cup of coffee for 2009, thank you.

And this is just the beginning!

I am sitting in the back of our van typing this while my hubby drives us to Attica for our Thanksgiving/Christmas get-together with his side of the family.  Mom will be there for the first time in 2 years.  I am so excited.  Seeing little Ali was less than a year old when she saw her last, we knew she wouldn’t even remember her (having only seen her twice before that).  While I first viewed this as an opportunity to rub her absence in her face…”I know you don’t know this woman, but she’s actually your grandmother…fancy that…can you spare her a smile?”.  We found ourselves preparing her little heart and mind for our reunion days ahead.  When mom arrived at the house last night, and for the stunning hours that unfolded after that, there were numerous hugs, kisses and giggles exchanged between them.  The name “grandma” rolled effortlessly off her tongue.  Talk about healing a momma’s heart.  Hers and mine.

I am learning in a whole new way that unforgiveness is truly just a poison we drink in an effort to hurt the other person.  My heart not only feels lighter, but is actually delighting in the life we see our forgiveness and compassion bringing about in her. 

I am more excited than ever for the 39 days that lay ahead.  If ever we stop growing and changing and being molded into the likeness of Christ, we miss out on the beauty and hope that the process reveals.  Isn’t it just like the Father to turn our ugliness into something that blesses and transforms us, over and over again, with a stunning ripple effect into the lives of those around us? 

I am being refined.  And while the process hurts and exposes ugly areas of my life I don’t really care to look at, the end result means more to me than the temporary discomfort.

So, with that…and a sip of this delicious non-coffee beverage, I declare…bring it on!