Isn’t it astounding how things change when you become a parent? Your world is turned upside down, inside out, topped with a cherry and a sprinkle of dirt for good measure.
Things like boogers and vomit and poop don’t make you want to keel over and die any more.
Simple things like leaves, pebbles and bugs now catch your eye as you strive to instill a wonder in creation, and an awe for the Creator, in the heart of your child.
How absolutely furious you can be…only to melt moments later because of a simple, sweet…”I sorry mommy, I kiss you heart better?”.
How the entire world can screech to a halt as you hand your incredibly sick baby over to the Lord…and over to the ER staff.
How sleep deprived you can be…and still function. Well, scratch that.
How your very body can nourish another for 9 months within, and even more once outside.
How empowering and beautiful childbirth can be.
How you look back at life before children and wonder what the heck you did with all that free time…and why you didn’t appreciate your body before it got stretched out and jiggly {and your boobs while they were still perky, before they had the life literally sucked out of them!}.
While there are indeed times that I do not enjoy it in the least bit, I really do ADORE being a mom.
It is filled with lessons.
I have been amazed at the things God is teaching me lately through my daughter – simple things she does, silly things she says.
I’m discovering how intensely He must love me and want to lavish His provision in my life – as I fall head-over-heels in love with my children each day. And I’m just human. How much more pure and extravagant His love for us must be!
How desperately He longs for me to get it, to grasp His heart on matters of patience, obedience, forgiveness and grace…how while I don’t see things clearly from my limited perspective, He does and I can rest in the knowledge that He wants what’s best for me, even if it means denying me what I want right now. In the same way I know chocolate and marshmallows do not constitute a nutritious breakfast, despite what she may feel.
How discipline and correction really do represent His love for me and desire to protect me. After all…we work hard at being gracious and consistent in discipline because we want her to succeed in this life.
I am particularly excited for this Christmas and Winter. If you ask Ali, she’ll tell you why…”going to build b-i-g snowman”. Snow-lady, actually. I’m pathetically excited about this project and simply cannot wait for the heavens to shower us with little, white flakes.
I will, of course, regret this declaration the moment I have to unearth my car and drive it on Michigan roads. But until then…I am planning her {snow-lady} outfit…her facial features…her personality. She’s gonna rock!
Yeah. I don’t get out that much.
I realize my excitement this year, over last, is because she’s one year older…she’s so much fun, so verbal, and has a great sense of adventure. She’s going to love every minute of snow this winter. And I fully intend to delight in it with her.
And it was while pondering my fresh anticipation for this season that I realized…God is newly excited for us as we enter seasons of our lives {usually, a “Winter"}…because we’ve grown and matured…and we get to tackle things with a fresh perspective. We are equipped during the Summer and Fall for what we encounter in the Winter. It’s just the nature of things.
Today was one of those exciting graduations in thought. I’ve always struggled with being a people pleaser, fearful of stepping on toes and risking ticking people off…even if it meant not telling the whole truth.
I’ve spent most of my life being completely and utterly terrified of confrontation.
I recall Joe and I having our first fight within the first 5 months of marriage, and me being totally petrified that it was officially over. Because it always had been in the past. Confrontation = relationship over.
But as I’ve grown over the past 6 years, with tremendous help from my hubby in this area, I’ve learned that confrontation is a wonderful thing…when done correctly.
When you have the right people in your life, confrontation simply represents passion…passionate people are going to butt heads…but it’s in the confrontation that you refine and perfect the problem…and your relationship.
I have discovered, over the past few years, the value of true friends. I’ve learned that it’s the ones who stick with you, through thick and thin, through {mental} sickness and in health, through moments of stupidity and brilliance, that are the ones you want to invest in.
Quite frankly, I no longer have time to walk on eggshells with people, to coddle and stumble over words for fear of offending people.
And this is incredibly freeing to have realized.
I have grown to adore the women in my life who I can simply be me with, knowing that when I’m out of line, they will lovingly call me out on it…or get over it, knowing my heart well enough to overlook my temporary filter malfunction.
It is these women that I long to grow old alongside.
I can be so excited about something small that I sound like a retard…and they celebrate with me.
I can be painfully real and honest with them, knowing they know my heart too well to be offended. It’s a safe place to just be raw. As I said to a precious friend this morning…”I value you too much to mince words and risk misunderstanding”.
They inspire…they challenge…they motivate…they stretch…they confront…they encourage…they laugh…they cry…they love.
It is these relationships that I treasure with all my heart.
Where does parenting revelation and this kind of friendship intersect, you ask?
As I walk through this awkward season of my life…completely and utterly in limbo…I just sense the Father celebrating with me, eager for me to taste the sweetness and richness of these times with the magnificent women he’s placed in my life.
Deep, lovely connectedness. For such a time as this.
Friendship this authentic and intense is totally new to me – like the new understanding of a 2 year old that snow is sticky and can create fabulous, large people with carrots for noses and stones for eyes.
I’ve never allowed myself to be this vulnerable, and so never before have felt this safe, accepted and enjoyed. It is incredibly refreshing and life-giving.
This is the Father’s delight for me, like mine for my daughter’s first real experience of snow…and snow-women.
What a difference one year can make. While the “seasons” of life can differ greatly in length from the actual seasons of the year…I delight in knowing we’re guaranteed the new life Spring brings after the “death” of a Winter.
I’m older, more “seasoned” than I was…and it’s going to be a most delightful journey.
Here’s to my {snow} lady friends…what a treat you are to my heart!
No comments:
Post a Comment